Go on walk
I know you probably hear it a lot.. but going on a walk really can make a fascinating difference.
Need for Autonomy
Evidence
Robust evidence (e.g., self-determination theory) suggests autonomy may be a universal psychological nutrient for motivation and well-being. This need may motivate expressing preferences, making self-directed decisions, and setting boundaries. When autonomy is supported, persistence and quality of engagement typically increase.
Details about the rewritten claim
According to extensive research (for example, self-determination theory), autonomy – the sense of volition and choice in one’s actions – is a fundamental psychological need across cultures. People are strongly motivated to voice their preferences, make their own decisions, and establish personal boundaries. Studies suggest that when individuals have autonomy support (e.g. freedom to make choices or control their work), they generally display greater persistence, better performance, and higher well-being (see Deci & Ryan 2000, American Psychologist, for evidence that autonomy enhances motivation and engagement). In short, autonomy acts like a psychological “nutrient”: supporting a person’s need for self-direction tends to boost their motivation and the quality of their participation in activities.
Supporting sources
- Self-Determination Theory review, highlighting autonomy as a basic need for well-being (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3602424/)
- Deci & Ryan, 2000 – seminal paper on autonomy’s role in motivation (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11392867/)
Strategies
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Make a request in conversation
Often in conversation if I’m hearing something as a demand I say something like “I’m needing some autonomy I think because I’d like to be free to disagree but I’m afraid that might sound to you like criticism.” It’s not perfect but it’s something to honor what’s alive in me.
Make art
Whatever kind. A scribble, a drawing, a painting, a piece of music.
Write
I like to get some kind of words on a page. Even if it's garbage I find the process can help.
Play a video game
There is such a wide diversity of video games out there. Calming exploratory games, puzzle games, combat, story, single or multiplayer, etc. Once I get in touch with the need that is alive in me it’s fun to look for a game or game genre that might tend specifically to that.
Road trip
Long or short it doesn't matter. Drive around the block in silence or with music. Maybe plan a trip somewhere.
Sing
Find a private place to sing as loud as you’re comfortable. Sing with your favorite song in the car or if you play an instrument you could play a song you know. Search for a hymn online and sing that.
Translate a “should”
Rewrite one “I should…” as “I choose to… because I value…”.
Micro-request to self
Write one tiny, do-now request you can meet in 2 minutes.
Needs → strategies map
List one need and brainstorm three different strategies for it.
Name a limit kindly
Say aloud: “I’m not ready to decide yet.”
Ask for channel shift
Say: “Could we move this to text so I can think?”
Turn on Do Not Disturb
Set DND for 10 minutes; return when the timer ends.
Phone face-down
Place phone face-down/out of reach for five minutes.
One thing off today
Choose one nonessential thing you will not do today.
Name what’s within control
List three things within your influence today.
Future-walk sketch
Pick a nearby block on a map and sketch a simple future walking loop.
Micro boundary
Say “No, thank you” to one low-stakes ask today.
Name a want & a don’t
Complete: “I want __ and I don’t want __ because I value __.”
Add a strategy
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